why is treatment impossible to get? ;-;
For as long as I could remember, I have been super depressed for an extremely long time, some years okay, some years not so great, but its always been the same in terms of consistency, I wish I was like happy as in what an average person happy sort of thing, or wish I was as happy as I was before secondary school and not really worrying about anything or anything about myself in fact.
for many years, cuz of my conditions, I have been in and out of like mental health treatments ranging of like Counselling to CBT, etc but cuz thank you uk in terms of really excellent treatment (sarcasm) I haven't been in treatment for too long cuz of my depression/conditions haven't been considered severe (yeah sure, despite being super aware of my un-alive tactics in the past)
Last year, the depression got hit so hard, I tried medication for the first time after many doctors/nurses going against it cuz of how it could change me etc but honestly as someone who has been experiencing it for so long with awful treatment, I decided to try medication, to ease it. It worked for a while but then it just stopped and then just started to feel like shit again. ;-;
I recently began another set of medication due to it and now honestly it has been so difficult to deal with and I hope I get off it ASAP cuz this treatment is the exact same treatment of someone I knew and who I hate the most taking it too and its honestly just seriously bothering me and I just hate being on it.
Then I had to wait months for CBT treatment, in which the nurses then immediately noticed that it just wasn't working and so decided to get me into intensive CBT, only for that to not work either cuz it often just made my mental wellbeing alot worse and was having breakdowns due to it and so decided that I should try psychotherapy, but its not offered on NHS due to the limitations once again, so now I'm on the waiting list, again, via charities to even see if i even get accepted or not ;-;
Lately, I've been trying to get help privately cuz the NHS is just so hopeless at this point in terms of actually being able to treat mentally ill adequately and I really can't be asked to deal with them again, after being rejected from my local councils mental health teams due to once again, my needs not being "severe enough" (this is honestly starting to become a pattern here)
I have also began to notice that due to my complicated and my severe issues not being treated (not because I don't want to, cuz that's far from the case but rather not being able to have access to any form of treatment esp long term treatment due to limitations within the NHS where I am) that it has also affected me being to connect with people and therefore, has literally made friendships extremely unstable and chaotic cuz of the shit treatment I've received in the past and so I haven't even recovered and therefore, will not likely recover anytime soon due to it.
But even so, I could find the best psychologist in the world and they still would reject to treat me, cuz my symptoms are just too either "complex" to deal with or that "CBT" just doesn't work on me, which is just genuinely frustrating, when your job is to literally treat people who have complex conditions.
Why is CBT considered the gold standard? I swear from everyone I speak to about it, esp those with the issues that i have, often say that it wasn't effective for them either, which is so frustrating cuz i swear doctors do be making this a one-size, fits all treatment for all treatments, despite there literally be evidence that it only really works on people who have "one-off traumas" and mild depression.
Sometimes, why do i even try at this point?
There's no end to this misery, I can't help but have this cursed thing that happens on my mind and from being born in not so great circumstances and not having money, plus like with having a shit mental health service and all the crap, sometimes why even bother.
No wonder why people literally chose to self-destruct, cuz that's way easier to do than to even get proper help and its honestly so fucked we genuinely live in a world like that. It just makes things so hopeless. For everyone